Choice

Relentless Search for Truth

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SETH: “…In a way, illnesses are definitely a part of health, for life itself consists of a fine alignment, of imbalances. One disease may actually protect you from a stronger one, or from a detrimental course of action that you might otherwise follow.
In the greater realm of activity—I am trying to put this simply—a poor marriage, for example, is on the same level as a chronic but not life-threatening disease.
It is not simply that disease is disease, and relationships are relationships, but that the individual generally tries to achieve the best possible conditions for a satisfying spiritual, emotional and physical existence according to beliefs and intents.
There is no separation between body and mind, so that the body has emotional considerations to take into consideration also. It has mental reasons for its actions, then, as the mind has physical ones.
A poor marriage, for example, bringing years of loneliness or bitterness is, again, the same thing in its way as, say, chronic kidney stones.
Such a person may, however, according to intents and beliefs and focus, be in fairly decent physical health —because health may be a prerogative…” ~ 1977 12 10 The Personal Sessions, Book 4, Deleted Session

 

Today as I reread SETH’s Words they become bigger and bigger to me. When I first read this I did not realize the magnitude or the depth of what Seth was saying.  I was so excited because I knew that it was being revealed to me and that this was beyond greatness but the fullness of the understanding is still being revealed to me at this moment.

I knew that the body had a consciousness in which it was capable of functioning on its own, constantly regenerating and healing itself, but I think that was as far as my understanding went. But what I did not understand was that the body consciousness had EMOTIONAL considerations! And if the body and the mind are inseparable, the body can communicate to the mind that the ‘imbalance’ of energy should not be used for illness (health being my prerogative), but possibly be used in relationship to a poor marriage.

This witnesses with me! Health is my prerogative. It always has been. I have loved the strength of my body and obviously my body knows and appreciates that. I never had any understanding of a loving or happy marriage in my youth so settling for a poor marriage, at that time, was an easy choice. The imbalanced energy in my life had to go somewhere and my body knew that I didn’t want it on me so the obvious choice was to move it ‘outside’ of this flesh. Pretty cool decision actually.

Where this gets messy is when religion told me that my body was just a vessel and that there was a definite separation between my body and my spirit which causes a break in communication. Religion has you feeling that your body is your enemy and that it is filled with the sins of your forefathers, beginning with Adam and Eve. This very idea of sin causes body hatred for some.
Obviously this is not true; for this physical body and this entire physical reality are my own projections, my own self, my own representative of human manifestation! There is no separation! God Is, I Am, My Body Is, My Reality Is, All One. There is no separation. I am ‘on’ Earth Being Myself…as I choose to be.

Now; In my life at this point…I am a different person from that crazy little girl. Now, I have made the choice for a wonderful and loving marriage with Ross; which brings up a point of what to do with ‘imbalances’ in my energy.

My mind knows that the decision has been made to never sacrifice the marriage.

My body emotionally feels the strength of my decision to keep my marriage loving and strong, HOWEVER it feels emotionally bound to hold to my original decision of strength and health. So what is to be sacrificed?

…Which brings me to this moment of understanding – YES! YES! YES! As crazy as it sounds, I feel my physical, human representation, asking me for help (communion), not as a separate being but as myself incarnate, being more powerful and durable than it ever has been, based on this understanding of oneness.

My Great Uncle SETH says, “…life itself consists of a fine alignment, of imbalances.”

‘We’ (me, myself, and I) have no space or time for imbalanced energies. Nothing is to be sacrificed. Imbalances are to be ‘Finely Aligned’ with Truth.

This so explains the constant pushing for more of ‘God’ that I have felt all of my life. This incarnation’s intent is the Relentless Search for Truth! I have never been able to settle for less and I can’t stop here… My final human breath will be whispering, “Yes, I have found it. I have found my truth. I can move on now.”

j

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The Mega Dream

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The Mega DreamI woke up hearing a voice saying, “I did not pursue the Mega Dream.”

It was as if I was overhearing a conversation that two other people were having. Perhaps it was a counterpart of mine? At any rate, if I didn’t pursue the Mega Dream, I am pursuing it now. Which makes me ask the question, what is the Mega Dream?

My thought was of Daniel in the lions’ den and not being eaten by the lions; and the 3 Hebrew children that were thrown in the fire and were not burned. (Which makes me wonder, once again, if these stories were reality? Were these men actually enlightened figures on this planet or were the stories just an attempt to describe enlightenment within a story that people of that time period, and this one, could understand?)

I do not think that the Mega Dream would be a physical ‘heaven’ on Earth but that regardless, or in spite of Earth, I reside in a heavenly state of being.

My thoughts are free and open to intuition. My feelings are pure and peaceful. I am assured of who I am and that dreams cannot hurt me. I feel joy.

My heart is free to pursue happiness, wholeness; to be complete and unaffected by the dream, any dream.

That’s my idea of the Mega Dream.

 

As I was typing this my curiosity said that I should look up mega. I looked up the definition of the word mega and it said: Surpassing other examples of its kind; extraordinary, very good; successful.

This made me think, just for a second, that maybe I had misinterpreted the voice of the message. (Second guessing, again; what a waste of ‘time’. He He. How many times have I fallen for ‘that second thought’? Way too many!)

BUT I can’t deny the FEELING that I had as I heard the voice, that I could have been pursuing that ultimate feeling, that ultimate place or state of being where nothing physical matters.

I was right the first time.

j

How Are You FEELING?

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Dreaming About Bigfoot…Really?…Geez…

1st Dream 2017 11 08:
There was a refrigerator and cabinets filled with food in the basement of our home and in this dream this Bigfoot type creature was getting into our basement and eating our food at night when we slept. All that I could think of was that I had to leave that house. I was frightened beyond what I could stand. I just wanted to run.
In the dream, my mother, Sara, was there. I’m not sure if she lived there with us or not but we were talking in the kitchen and we could hear Bigfoot in the basement as we talked. I told her that I just had to get out of there hoping that she would have some other suggestion but she only kept telling me that I didn’t need to leave.
I told my husband, Ross, that I couldn’t stand it and that I had to get out of there and the next thing that I knew he was down in the basement. I could hear conversation and then I heard Bigfoot screaming at Ross that he wasn’t leaving and to leave him alone.
Bigfoot screamed, “I can take your wife!”
Sara and I were still sitting in the kitchen but I could hear what the creature was screaming.
My fear heightened to the panic point.
And the dream ended.

My Thoughts:
I guess the obvious would be that no one can help me overcome my greatest fear.
This caused me to question, what is my greatest fear?
It would have to be the belief that this physical reality is real and that I am trapped here, forced to live out this human existence, until ‘God’ calls me back into some type of eternity that I have no control over. Now this is an old belief system that seems to linger on in the shadows of my memory that I have been unable to shake. It doesn’t seem to matter how much knowledge I pack into my mind the dark shadow lingers on.
I know better than this of course. I know that I am an extension of THAT WHICH IS. I know that I create my own reality. I know that I have chosen not to remember who I am for this experience on Earth. But knowing that this is true, so far, hasn’t taken me to the next ‘level’ enough to be able to shake the fear of an old memory. I still, somewhere in the dark crevices of my memory, think that Bigfoot is in the basement.
What I do know is that I want to end this fear and live as I should be living, enjoying, with all understanding, what this adventure is all about.

Prayer:
j: “Yeshua, I know that my answer is calling for me to question so I am asking for your assistance. You’ve been here. Please share with me what you know. I want to live as you live.”

2nd Dream 2017 11 25:
As the dream opens Sara and I have purchased different types of foods that are supposed to keep you healthy. One of the foods was in pie form and tasted sweet and Ross had eaten the whole pie except for one slice.  My thought was at least it’s healthy food so it’s a good thing that he likes it. I was pleased.
We had also gotten 4 white cats as we had heard that pets give you pleasure and would also help to keep you healthy. One of the cats was an adult and the other 3 were kittens; I’m not sure if the adult was the mother or not. As we were watching the cats play we were commenting on how smart they were. The cats did bring us pleasure.
We were aware that there was a creature that wanted to get into our home and we had boarded the windows and doors to keep it out but to no avail. We heard a noise outside and when we looked out there was this creature that looked similar to a Bigfoot but it was totally white. I guess that would make it an Abominable Snowman since it was all white.  And it was wearing baby blue colored clothing. I noticed specifically baby blue colored short pants. He had on some type of baby blue shirt made out of very thin material. It wasn’t buttoned. It was flapping in the breeze as he walked and was just barely hanging on his shoulders.
The creature was heading for the back door and we knew that there was no way that we could keep it out. I am terrified.
The dream ends as we are quietly sneaking out the front door.

Again, My Thoughts:
This is the 2nd time in about 2 weeks that I have had similar dreams about a Bigfoot type creature. I’m only calling it that because I have nothing else to compare it to other than a type of alien; but this creature is highly intelligent, speaks, and wears clothing!
In both of the dreams I am terrified of this creature and I am trying to live a normal life in my home with this horrible fear that this creature could come at any time.
In the 2nd dream, it seems that we must have moved, for the house in the 2nd dream is totally different from the house in the first dream which had a basement. The house in the 2nd dream is basically a doublewide or modular type home.
The creature enters the back door which is our bedroom. When he comes in we are in the front room which is the kitchen and we have an easy escape.
In the 2nd dream it seems that we are attempting to get healthier and to enjoy our life more but that still doesn’t stop the creature from coming and entering the house. It is like he has stalked us and found us at the new house.
I keep trying to understand what it is that the creature wants from us, or me. In the 1st dream he was coming in the basement and eating the food that we had stored there. He told Ross that he wanted to be left alone. He screamed, “I can take your wife.” (What does that mean?!?) And of course, Ross cannot defeat this creature.
Sara, on the other hand, was telling me that we needed to stay in the house. I obviously convinced her otherwise as we were in another house in the 2nd dream, not that it did us any good as he followed us there. So Sara knew something that I couldn’t understand because the fear was so overwhelming. All I could think was to escape.
So, Ross tries to talk to the thing and Sara thinks we should stay in the house with it. I’m thinking, “Are they nuts. Why are they not scared? They just aren’t getting this.”
But obviously I’m the one that’s not getting it…
It’s interesting to me that they are both trying to help me even though I’m not so happy with their methods. And why am I staying with them? That’s also curious to me. It’s like I want them to find my answer for me but I know that they can’t.  It still doesn’t stop me from hoping that one of them can protect me from this creature.
My normal human reaction would be to run away and leave these two with it. As frightened as I am I would have to escape. But in this dream I am staying with these two hoping that they will find a solution. Ha Ha!  And they are still trying to help me. We are now eating health foods to stay ‘healthier’. And we have 4 cats for our ‘enjoyment’.
In the 2nd dream he’s coming in the back door and we are leaving so we have no conversation with him. Is he coming in for food again? Strangely, it seems to be ‘feeding’ off of my fear.

Prayer:
j: “Yeshua, I have to stop running. As I speak to you all fear is released and is completely gone. The creature seems harmless. My thoughts are, ‘so what if he comes in the house; he can’t hurt me’. As long as I am focusing on … I still see you as my total protection. That’s not a bad thing but don’t I need to identify ‘The Christ’ within me; and with that TO KNOW that I need no protection. Is it time that I stop looking to you for my salvation and KNOW that I need no salvation. As you said, “I and the Father are One.” So I can say, “I and the Father are One,” As well.
Is it possible that you are ‘my creature’? Is that why the all-white and the baby blue clothing? Oh my goodness, I have perceived you as… How do I see you? That’s how I see you most of the time with that white robe and that baby blue wrap around your shoulders. What am I seeing? Purity, purer than I could ever become.”

Yeshua: “You still me as dualistic. You see me as savior but also judge and punisher. I am neither. I am your brother. I am Christ. You are Christ. We are ONE in The Father. We are ALL THAT IS, together as ONE.
There is no fear here. There is no judgment. There is only acceptance and a type of ‘love’ that is beyond ANY condition or circumstance.
If I am ONE with the Father and You are ONE with the Father then how could I ever judge you in any form?
There is no fear; only what you imagine that there is. See me as I am and you will see yourself as I am. ONE of ALL THAT IS”

j: “I feel you smiling. I feel your ‘love’ and acceptance. Thank you once again, and again, and again…
Why do I still keep falling back into those old beliefs? How odd, it seems that I am familiar and comfortable with fear. It gives me a certain adrenaline feeling of fight or flight. And I see this creature as being undefeatable so I choose flight in this instance. And this feeling is actually comfortable. Wow.
I am not comfortable with the thought of freedom; actually it scares me. I don’t know how to live free. If I don’t have a decision of fight or flight to make what do I do. How do I see the creature through the eyes of Freedom? As my teacher, as my friend? And then what do I do?”

Yeshua: “You can always enjoy watching the kittens play.”

j: I know that you are baiting me but I’m not sure…”

Yeshua: “Imagine the feeling that you have as you watch the kittens play. Go there. Pick one up. Feel his fur. Hear him purr. What are you feeling?”

j: “It’s the feeling. Again, I know that. I just keep forgetting, falling back into fear of loss.
I just need to keep applying it. Make the choice to feel wonderful, enjoy the feeling…
Why am I so uncomfortable with feeling wonderful? Why can’t I enjoy anything? I always have this ‘feeling’ that something will come in the back door and steal from me, take from me what is giving me happiness.”

Yeshua: “Look at the creature now. What does he look like?”

j: “You. He looks like all the religious pictures of you with the white robe and the baby blue cloth around your shoulders.”

Yeshua: “How could you see me differently that would make you more comfortable?”

j: “Actually, I’m comfortable seeing you as ‘pure’, wearing white and baby blue. Maybe if I could see myself as ‘pure’ and wearing white and baby blue? That thought feels nice but then what? What do you do if you are ‘pure’ and wearing white and baby blue.”
You’re laughing. I love it.
But my question is serious; what do you do?”

Yeshua: “Whatever I FEEL like doing. I FEEL ONENESS with My Father. I FEEL My Father’s love and acceptance. I want to always FEEL that. As ONE with My Father I have no need to have a thought of my own. I  join His Thoughts. His Thoughts are mine (pause) and yours. That is where I reside. That is my desire. That is the FEELING that I ‘call’ to me.
As for what do I do? I do nothing. I FEEL as My Father FEELS. That is what is important. That is ALL THAT THERE IS.
It isn’t about doing. It is BEING. As I AM. That’s all. I just AM.”

j: “Were you ever where I am? How did you get to where you are, just BEING?”

Yeshua: “Desire. What I desire comes to me. I desire ONENESS and that is what I have. The unity of ALL. I see nothing else. I FEEL my way. My ‘paths’ are FEELINGS of joy. Joy comes. Joy IS.”

Who I Am

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During the night, once again, I was asking for help to recognize and experience Who I Am. Every vision that I could conger up was of a separation between what I have known to be my reality on earth and what I want to experience of My Father’s World. I wanted nothing more to do with 3rd density Earth existence. I wanted completely away from it. I wanted it wiped from my memory, GONE!
But I noticed that I kept going back to what I had enjoyed here and I thought for a long time about my life with my husband, the joys that I have had with my girls, Jekyll Island, even ‘worshiping’ God, even though that required a permission slip to see My Father as a separate being from myself, which in actuality I do have an individual essence of a sort, at least that is my understanding. At any rate I So Enjoyed Worship and Praise and the feeling of unity with My Father.
I thought about the talks that I have had with my mother. I thought back when my son was a little boy and how pleasant and funny that he was. I thought of my horses and how they represented freedom to me, of how I love swimming and how I miss doing that now, dancing, singing, working in my garden, riding my bike, drawing, painting my house and constantly redecorating… on and on I remembered the joys. Then my mind kept going back to the fence that I wanted to put across the back of our property and the roof that I wanted for the back patio. And if I had some money that I should see about having my teeth fixed and then I got mad at myself for thinking about ‘accepting’ something artificial in my mouth besides real teeth…yuck. I should be able to create REAL teeth.
Slowly…because I can be a little thick sometimes…I began to recognize that I was receiving the revelation that I had been BEGGING for. I WAS experiencing Who I Am. I Am a creator and it’s okay if I create what makes me happy and it’s okay if I create in 3rd density or 4th or 5th or 6th density. It’s okay if I create on Earth or Mars or Pandora or Heaven. I Am A Creator and I have been trying to imagine myself enmeshed somehow within My Father, with no imagination of my own.
I wanted the veil removed BUT THEN WHAT? I didn’t know. All I knew was that I didn’t want the pain of this Earth hurting me anymore and I knew that My Father was my answer to my health and peace and joy. The revelation that I found myself receiving was that I Am and Can Be healed and happy and full of joy in my own individual creations. I don’t have to give that part of myself away to experience My Father’s Peace and Love.
What I found out was that I don’t have to SEPARATE myself from anything or to anything. I just need to be Who I Am wherever I care to be. I am a creator and it is within my power to BE happy and free and peaceful.
I can be a swimmer. I can be an artist. I can love my husband. I can enjoy my kids. I can collect angel statues and paint ceramic cats and ducks if that is my choice. I can plant 50 daffodils and enjoy their beauty when they bloom. I can plan to put a fence in my backyard and a roof over my patio if that is what I choose. And I can create real teeth.  What would Jesus do? Ha Ha, whatever he wants to do, that’s what he would do. Whatever the heck he feels like doing is what he does! So I guess that means that I can too.

J

If it is Easy, it is Not Valued; If it is Easy, There is No Challenge

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It seems that this would be the key to the creation of this entire universe to me. If we want to play games then it makes total sense that we would make them as complicated as possible just for the fun of it. What fun is a game without a challenge? We want the challenge of trying to figure out the strategy for ourselves. We want to be the winners because we figured it out so we create the most complicated game strategies and rules that are ‘mentally’ possible for us just for the thrill! Even if it frightens us we will still watch the scary movie to see how and why Norman Bates kills the girl in the shower. ‘Secretly’ we want to feel the fear! We want to see if we can figure out the most complicated cases.
We cannot be bored or we will not play.

Excerpt from Elias’ session 228:
Question: I believe it is possible to go from nearsightedness to perfect eyesight, but I don’t know the methodology or practical procedures of doing so, and I have never met anyone who has done that.
ELIAS: And it is not necessary to objectively know the methodology. What is important to know is precisely what we have been discussing: the importance of your not wanting the sight that you have created. When that becomes less important, you will generate much more success in altering your sight. As it continues to be very important, you continue to create it.
Question: So I have to keep looking for the motive, the reason why I supposedly don’t want good eyesight?
ELIAS: Or you can simplify and merely begin to lessen the importance of what you do not like.
Question: How do you do that? It’s not easy.
ELIAS: It is not easy, for you create it to be complicated. (Laughter) But in actuality, it is quite simple and it is quite easy. But you incorporate fascinations with complicating and generating much more energy than is necessary.
If it is easy, it is not valued; if it is easy, there is no challenge. But if it is complicated, you can unravel it, and that is an action that you are all quite fascinated with.
It may be likened to a present: if an individual hands you a gift and it is unwrapped, you may accept it and you may thank them; if an individual hands you a gift and it is wrapped in paper and in strings and you must unwrap it, you will generate more excitement, for you have presented yourself a surprise. You may receive the same gift, but the one that is wrapped will be more exciting, for it is more complicated. (Chuckles)    ©2015 Mary Ennis. All Rights Reserved.

Wow, what I have learned about myself today. I understand why I do not like games. I have made the decision to back away from challenges and confrontations as much as possible as this is my final focus and I am searching for a better way, an easier way…
I am searching for TRUTH! And everything else bores me. How’s that for the ultimate oxymoron of humanity! YES!
Thank You Father… and Elias…and Yeshua, My Brother… (It feels so good to know that asking for help is a good thing. I don’t have to have all the answers myself… even though I really do I just don’t remember. That’s why I need help. Ha! Ha!)
I guess it’s somewhat funny to me to remember that I went to bed asking for help and waking up this morning with the knowing that even as Our Father loves creation and creating and we have taken on those ‘experiences’ He never meant for me to ‘forget’ who I AM in the process! That was my decision… Thus ‘the tiny mad idea’.

Experience

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2015 03 27 ~ Is it possible that I have only chosen each experience just as an experience? Is it possible that I just wanted to feel what it would be like to be afraid? Is it possible that all that I agreed to was to ‘see’ what would happen if I were afraid? Is it just possible that all that I wanted to do was observe?

If that is all true then why do I feel that I have to bring each situation to a close? Why do I feel that I have to ‘solve’ each situation? Why am I anticipating an end?

Do I not have freedom of choice? Can I not just move away after observing? Do I have to ‘handle’ each situation as if it were real or is it possible that I can smile and be satisfied that I have experienced?

j