Who I Am

During the night, once again, I was asking for help to recognize and experience Who I Am. Every vision that I could conger up was of a separation between what I have known to be my reality on earth and what I want to experience of My Father’s World. I wanted nothing more to do with 3rd density Earth existence. I wanted completely away from it. I wanted it wiped from my memory, GONE!
But I noticed that I kept going back to what I had enjoyed here and I thought for a long time about my life with my husband, the joys that I have had with my girls, Jekyll Island, even ‘worshiping’ God, even though that required a permission slip to see My Father as a separate being from myself, which in actuality I do have an individual essence of a sort, at least that is my understanding. At any rate I So Enjoyed Worship and Praise and the feeling of unity with My Father.
I thought about the talks that I have had with my mother. I thought back when my son was a little boy and how pleasant and funny that he was. I thought of my horses and how they represented freedom to me, of how I love swimming and how I miss doing that now, dancing, singing, working in my garden, riding my bike, drawing, painting my house and constantly redecorating… on and on I remembered the joys. Then my mind kept going back to the fence that I wanted to put across the back of our property and the roof that I wanted for the back patio. And if I had some money that I should see about having my teeth fixed and then I got mad at myself for thinking about ‘accepting’ something artificial in my mouth besides real teeth…yuck. I should be able to create REAL teeth.
Slowly…because I can be a little thick sometimes…I began to recognize that I was receiving the revelation that I had been BEGGING for. I WAS experiencing Who I Am. I Am a creator and it’s okay if I create what makes me happy and it’s okay if I create in 3rd density or 4th or 5th or 6th density. It’s okay if I create on Earth or Mars or Pandora or Heaven. I Am A Creator and I have been trying to imagine myself enmeshed somehow within My Father, with no imagination of my own.
I wanted the veil removed BUT THEN WHAT? I didn’t know. All I knew was that I didn’t want the pain of this Earth hurting me anymore and I knew that My Father was my answer to my health and peace and joy. The revelation that I found myself receiving was that I Am and Can Be healed and happy and full of joy in my own individual creations. I don’t have to give that part of myself away to experience My Father’s Peace and Love.
What I found out was that I don’t have to SEPARATE myself from anything or to anything. I just need to be Who I Am wherever I care to be. I am a creator and it is within my power to BE happy and free and peaceful.
I can be a swimmer. I can be an artist. I can love my husband. I can enjoy my kids. I can collect angel statues and paint ceramic cats and ducks if that is my choice. I can plant 50 daffodils and enjoy their beauty when they bloom. I can plan to put a fence in my backyard and a roof over my patio if that is what I choose. And I can create real teeth.  What would Jesus do? Ha Ha, whatever he wants to do, that’s what he would do. Whatever the heck he feels like doing is what he does! So I guess that means that I can too.

J

Experience

2015 03 27 ~ Is it possible that I have only chosen each experience just as an experience? Is it possible that I just wanted to feel what it would be like to be afraid? Is it possible that all that I agreed to was to ‘see’ what would happen if I were afraid? Is it just possible that all that I wanted to do was observe?

If that is all true then why do I feel that I have to bring each situation to a close? Why do I feel that I have to ‘solve’ each situation? Why am I anticipating an end?

Do I not have freedom of choice? Can I not just move away after observing? Do I have to ‘handle’ each situation as if it were real or is it possible that I can smile and be satisfied that I have experienced?

j

Purity of the Experience

2015 01 10 ~ I am beginning to see why I would choose not to remember:

As a member of Mass Consciousness in which made the decision to create this particular dimension or universe I can see how it would be an uneventful experience to ‘inter into’ this dimension as a participant or human and get the full experience of what had been created with the complete understanding of the creation itself.

I see it as if I were the creator of a card game, sitting down to play the game with three other people that had no idea what the rules or strategies of the game were; or if I had created a maze for others to figure out but then I decided to go through the maze with the others and I knew every trick, every illusion, every turn and distraction because I was the one who had created the maze to begin with.

As much as I have hated the phrase ‘purity of the experience’ I do think that I am beginning to relax just a little bit with the thought that I have chosen to participate or experience the wonders of this dimension in which I have placed myself without full knowledge of its creation.

I think the reason that I have hated this life experience so is that it has frightened me because I felt that I had no control, that the universe could throw anything that it wished on me and I had no recourse.

But that is the very challenge of this creation isn’t it. That is my value fulfillment to understand that I am the creator and the only energy that this universe has is what I give it. I am the creator and I am the un-creator, I’m just not aware of it and that realization is the object of the game. Once I begin to create and un-create at will I have mastered this experience from the inside out or from the ‘purity of the experience’ so to speak.

So once I understand the rules I can play the game and play the game to win!

j